Withdrawal #2

This withdrawal was a little different. The dreams were there, so was the sweating and muscle twitching. My symptoms had some new friends in the form of constant ringing in my ears and uncontrollable crying. Not crying all the time, but just coming from nowhere and for no reason. I was also feeling a strong sense of depersonalization. Like I was watching a movie of my own life or something. Why was my brain doing this to me? Why can't I just feel calm and relaxed like other people I know?

So we are caught up...Here I am, 5 days after my last dose of Effexor. I have slept like crap, barely gotten anything accomplished at work, and gotten even less accomplished around the house. Is the medicine causing this or was I like this before? I can't even remember, I am like a zombie. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in a few days and have everything be over.

Some positives though...I have found great solace in my attempts at Cognitive Behavorial Therapy, Meditation, and some good music.

The therapy helps..seriously. It is comforting to speak to a non-judgemental person who is an expert in their field and whose goal is to help you. It helps to get stuff out...stuff that is repressed and stuff that needs to be said. I hate crying when I say it, but oh well.

Meditation is something new for me, but I have read that it can be a positive influence on anxiety, stress, and fear. Studies show that it decreases heart rate, and increases the release of those chemicals that we need to feel calm, like seratonin.

Lastly, some music. I am not a big music guy, and when I do listen, I usually like some more upbeat stuff, but I have found great comfort recently in the slow tunes of John Mayer, Amy Winehouse, John Legend, and Herbie Hancock. Who knows if there is any science behind this, but I know I like listening to them.

I know I can get better. I know I will feel like a person again. I know I will live a full and happy life. I know I will meet a significant other and I know I will be successful in my profession. I know I will have a family some day and I know that I will leave a legacy with my earthly vehicle. I am at a few rough spots in the road right now and I am committed to doing the right things to get the train of my life back on track.

P.S. I have anxiety, but I can't imagine the anxiety that people in the space shuttle feel. Every time I see that thing go off, I am absolutely floored by the idea of space travel. Man dreamt about this one day and worked to make it a reality. If we can put a man on the moon, surely we can put together my brain to make it right again.